|Muesli: eat it or die.|
We are such an anxiety-ridden people, it’s a wonder we can face the day. Here is just a sample of things that cause our 21st Century, first-world stress levels to escalate:
|Unattended luggage: it\’s a killer.|
Used to be, if you took your eyes off your suitcase, someone would nick it. Now, they call the NSA, the CIA, the FBI, NCIS and a SWAT Team to clear the area, surround it with bomb-resistant materials and blow up the three shirts, two pair of trousers and bag of dirty knickers in your Wal-Mart Carry-on case.
|Beards; favored by murderers|
Come on, admit it, even this guy makes you a little uneasy.
|Don\’t eat it after the Use By Date or you\’ll die.|
Remember back before the government brain-washed us into believing we ourselves don’t actually have the brains to know when the milk has gone off?
|Standing Water: touch it and die.|
See this fountain? Water used to come close to the edge, but they were afraid some kids might touch it. So they made a border out of decorative stones and kept the water further away. But then they were afraid it wasn’t far enough away, and someone still might touch it. So they emptied the fountain.
Okay. I’ll give you this one.
|Slip and die!|
We get the message; one sign would have done it.
|Even if they don\’t give you caner, they can still annoy you to death.|
“I know it’s only water vapor but it certainly looks like cigarette smoke so if I sit too close to it I’m sure to catch cancer and die.”
|Use it or die.|
Because bacteria will kill you…
|Yakult: drink it or die.|
…except for this kind.
|It\’s okay, you can read this, it\’s safe.|
So deadly we have to rely on computer applications to keep us safe from it.
Now stop your worrying and lighten the fuck up! But be sure to eat your Muesli.