Book Signings, Boredom, and a Big AI Fail - Postcards From Across the Pond

Well, I had my book Signing, but before I get into the good-natured ribbing of the event, allow me to assure you it was an unmitigated success as it accomplished my main objective, which was to get rid of all the books taking up space in my office.

I live in a small flat and am fortunate that my hobbies take up little room. Music is confined to a set of bagpipes and a guitar, both hanging on the wall, and my writing is contained almost totally on my laptop. This suits a work area of six and a half square feet, but when you propose to promote an 8-book series, and throw in a ninth book for chuckles, a few book-sets add up quickly, leaving me little room to fit my feet under my workstation.

Fortunately, Natty Noo—a recently opened boutique cum bookstore in the town centre—came to my rescue. I discovered it when 11-year-old local author Amy Barnett launched her debut book Friends and Lots of Chocolate there. The proprietor, Natasha Murray, is also an author and is keen to promote local talent in her store. I approached her, and she graciously agreed to let me do a signing as well.

_{Amy (R) and Natasha (L) at Amy’s book signing; she sold more books than I did}

I’d had a small stock of books already taking up what little room I had, but with news of the signing, I ordered more, which really put the squeeze on my space. So, on signing day, I was glad to load them all into the car and drive them to the shop. Job done, goal attained, all I had to do was sit at a table with a set of my books on it and wait for my adoring fans.

_{My Book Signing Offerings; note my grandson’s book in the upper left corner: he sold more books than I did, as well}

Promotion for the event included all my social outlets (choirs, book clubs and such) and social media—by myself, my wife, and Natty Noo—reaching, I would estimate, well over 10,000 people. I stayed there for two and a half hours. Four people stopped by. I sold one book.

This, however, was neither unexpected nor disappointing; unless you are Stephen King or J K Rolling, many book signings involve an author, a table lined with books, and an empty room.

_{I had wanted to get a photo of me at my book signing, but my wife came by with my promised cup of hot cocoa at the same moment one of the four people stopped to talk to me and I wasn’t able to ask her to take a photo, so here’s a picture of me talking with my good friend (not really) Peter James at his book signing, where he sold a lot more books than I did}

The upside, of course, is I have my uncluttered workstation back, and I get to write a post about it. The downside is, it was kinda boring (I was surrounded by books, but I hadn’t brought anything to read) so there isn’t a lot to write about. Fortunately, fate threw me a second anecdote to relate in the telling of this tale:

Recently, I had discovered the potential in the AI engine integrated into my Microsoft browser and had used it to create pictures for this blog. It saved me a lot of time and allowed me to make humorous pictures (ones I didn’t have to steal off the web) with ease.

This time, however, when I told it to “Draw a writer at a table with a pile of books surrounded by cobwebs,” I got this reply:

_{I suspect there was a reason for this}

I can only surmise that too many people were asking it to draw too many unsavoury images, encouraging Microsoft to sneakily update it while I wasn’t looking. Therefore, I’m back to stealing photos off the web and using a pirated copy of Photoshop version 5.5 (from 1998) to manipulate them.

So, I’d like to thank all the immature knobheads out there who, when provided with state-of-the-art technology that opened a world of creative expression to them, could only think tell AI to “Draw a picture of a cock and balls.”

As Robin Williams once observed, “It makes you think, maybe Darwin was wrong.”

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