Dear Yanks, Steal This Holiday

27 December 2023 /

It’s early Wednesday morning, the 27th of December, and the Christmas Holiday has just come to an end. (Why now; what about Tuesday? Patience, I’ll get to that.)

Wind and rain sound in the darkness outside my window, but the Christmas Holiday was mild—warm at times—and dry. Even though it wasn’t officially Christmas, Saturday kicked everything off. We went to London for the day to see the festivities, go to a play, and have dinner. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were both cozy, low-key days, spent enjoying the quiet.

London is lovely at Christmas

Yesterday, Boxing Day, we visited Wakehurst Gardens in the morning,

The gardens were decked out in lights, which look better in the dark.

wandered into town in the afternoon to see the display of old vehicles,

Old Tractors–what’s not to like?

and walked along West Street to Tsk Tsk at all the open stores.

When I was a child…

Viewing the open stores gives rise to a lot of head shaking and comments that start, “When I was a little girl…” Now, I wish to make it clear that I am not now, nor was I ever, a little girl, but my wife was (it’s true, I’ve seen photos) and she assures me that Boxing Day used to be pretty much like Christmas Day, but without the presents. It was taken seriously back then, but these days, even Christmas Day isn’t taken as seriously as Christmas Day.

As much as I would enjoy descending into a “These kids today…” ramble, I will set that aside in favour of advising you Americans to steal the Boxing Day holiday from us.

We won’t mind, really. It’s not as if we haven’t taken a few of yours, so it’s only fair.

This keeps up, we’ll be ahead of the US by 2030.
And what’s with Black Friday? You can’t have Black Friday without Thanksgiving, so our Black Friday starts in October and runs to December.

In my experience—as a boy and a family man—Christmas, in the US, went something like this:

  1. Up at stupid o’clock, either as a child waking your parents, or as a parent being awakened by your offspring.
  2. Open gifts, have breakfast, play with toys, break a few (this can occur in whatever order your family traditions dictate).
  3. Off to your in-laws for a full-scale, Christmas dinner (say, 1:00 pm), complete with turkey and cranberry sauce, stuffing, ham and pineapple, gravy, potatoes—mashed, roasted, scalloped—green beans, creamed corn, candied yams with marshmallows, and dessert—pumpkin pie, apple pie, key lime pie, etc. After a few drinks and an argument or two, it’s off to the other in-laws (the ones who drew the short straw) for a later (say 6:00 pm) Christmas dinner, complete with turkey and cranberry sauce, stuffing, ham and pineapple, gravy, potatoes—mashed, roasted, scalloped—green beans, creamed corn, candied yams with marshmallows, and dessert—pumpkin pie, apple pie, key lime pie, etc. After a few more drinks and a few more alcohol-enlivened arguments, it’s back home to try to get the kids to settle down and go to fuck to sleep.
  4. Get up next morning and go to work.
Candied Yams: Sweet Potatoes glazed with Honey, topped with Marshmallows and baked in the oven. No, I am not kidding! Even as a child with an over-active sweet-tooth, I found it disgustingly sweet. It’s a wonder everyone in the US doesn’t have Type II Diabetes.

As someone who has been living in Britain for over two decades, I am confident in asking: “WTF is that all about?”

Here in the UK, we have Boxing Day. Perfect for visiting the B-List in-laws, or taking the family on an easy outing to a park or other activity (looking at old tractors seems to be a popular one), or—as we have earlier established—shopping (SALES!!!).

Two days of Christmas, two sets of in-laws: coincidence? I think not, but even if it is, it’s a happy one—serendipity, it’s called—and we take full advantage of it. And you should, too. We’re not precious about it. Say it’s originally an American invention if you want, we won’t care.

But I do ask, when you come over to claim it, can you take Black Friday back?

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