Postcards From Across the Pond

My wife and I are not what you’d call Big Venue people. We don’t go to concerts, and we view events—such as those that attract vast crowds outside of Buckingham Palace—from the safety of our living room sofa, horrified at the notion of being trapped in the midst of such a horde. Therefore, when the Commonwealth Games came to Birmingham, it never occurred to us to go. It did, however, occur to my brother-in-law (veteran of many an O2 concert), and, with trepidation, we agreed to go with him.

We are very glad we did.

The History:

For those of you not familiar with the Commonwealth Games, it’s a sort of pared-down Olympics, open only to erstwhile members of the erstwhile British Empire. (Too bad, America, you checked out early, so no CWG medals for you.)

They began in 1930 as The British Empire Games, but as the Empire faded, they were re-branded, in 1954, as The British Empire and Commonwealth Games, and again, in 1970, as The Commonwealth Games. This year, 72 countries participated, and for the first time, the Para-Games were integrated into the event. It was also the first global multi-sport event to have more medals for women than for men.

The Accommodation:

We paid £2,080 to stay for a week in a “Luxury” flat. Yes, you heard that right: £2,080 or $2,517, which is just under £300, or $360, per day. And, despite how it was advertised, it was not a luxury flat.

Luxury is an en-suite in the master bedroom. Luxury is a soft-close toilet seat. Luxury is the inclusion of pleasant little extras that make your stay more enjoyable. Luxury does not mean (as the list of Amenities suggests) “Hot water, Hangers, Shades, and Chopsticks.” These are basics, not extras, except the chopsticks, which were a single set nicked from a takeaway. For £2,080 I would at least expect a spare roll of toilet paper. That’s not luxury; that’s taking the piss.

The key collection routine was a joke (and not the “Check yourself in with the Lockbox” that was promised), and it added time and stress onto an already long and stressful day. Also, the flat is for four people, but there is only one key.

And once we got into the flat, we were unable to sit and have a cup of tea because there was nothing there. Nothing. So, we had to hike down to the Tesco (conveniently located; very handy) to buy loo roll, kitchen towels, tea, coffee, milk, and basic cleaning supplies.

There were a few pots and pans, but no utensils, and although there was a complete set of dishes (good quality; Ikea), there were only four side plates, four coffee cups, four dinner plates, etc. Everything about the place screams “Bare Minimum.” Again, that is not “Luxury.” There wasn’t even the usual notebook with instructions for the washer/dryer (we had to download a manual), the microwave (which was ridiculously complex) or the hob (which is badly cracked and, in my opinion, dangerous), or helpful tips on the locality.

And for the record: the leather sofas are not leather, the fully equipped kitchen is anything but, and the “COVID-19 cleaning process” left sticky spots of jam on the dining table.

The very busy road just outside the flat—which is not the owner’s fault—sounds like a transcontinental jet revving its engines. All. Night. Long. By the second day I was considering asking the homeless guy* at the train station if I could trade places with him so I could get a decent night’s sleep. I literally had to put the subtitles on the telly because I couldn’t hear it over the traffic.

If the price had been reasonable—say £650 – £700—I would have rated it “Adequate,” but due to the cost, I’m giving it One Star, only because I can’t give it Zero.

However: YMMV, the rates change seasonally (and when there is not a major event being held in the city), and you cannot fault the location. Just bring your earplugs, and don’t forget to pack loo roll.

*I assume he was homeless, but maybe he just owns one of those flats and that’s where he chooses to sleep.

(Addendum: While writing the above review, I began to wonder if my criticism wasn’t simply down to expectation. The other reviews for the property were full of praise, even while they mentioned the noise and lack of amenities. Perhaps the Air BnB crowd have simply been conditioned to accept poor service. It’s an intriguing notion, but not one I am prepared to pursue; I’m just done with Air BnB.)

The City:

We found Birmingham to be an accessible, friendly city, populated with thousands of volunteers ready to guide you on your way, help you if you are lost, give you a free map, or point you to the nearest pub. The train, bus and tram were all free if you had an event ticket with you, and the city centre is compact enough that you can get around on foot if you wish.

And there are canals.

My wife and I stumbled upon them (figuratively) during our free time and, thereafter, spent much of our remaining free time wandering along the tranquil and scenic banks. There is a whole network of them running through Birmingham and, if you give a Brummie a chance, they will tell you they have more canals than Venice.

They were, back in the day, the arteries along which all commerce flowed, but now the canal boats are filled with holiday makers instead of coal, and the banks are lined with pubs and restaurants and posh flats, and there isn’t a draft horse in sight.

Also in our wandering, we discovered an Indian restaurant underneath the railway tracks at Snow Hill Station. The décor was unfinished chipboard decorated with old Bollywood posters and burlap sacks, but the food was superb. I had the best chicken curry I have ever eaten there. It was so good, I went back a few days later and had it again.

The Games:

Birmingham got the Games late. They were originally supposed to be held in Durban, SA, but the city had to bow out due to financial constraints. Only then was Birmingham selected to take over, leaving them limited time to prepare.

They did a marvellous job, however.

Transportation was excellent, and there were buses to take you (and tens of thousands of other people) to the games. We managed to acquire tickets for events that were, thankfully, all in Birmingham, and ran from Monday, the 1st to Sunday the 7th of August, meaning we could see an event every day (almost) and still have time to explore the city.

On the day we arrived, we saw the 3×3 Basketball. I had never heard of such a sport, and I admit to being a bit dubious about it, but it was a fast and furious game that I found to be genuinely thrilling.

On Tuesday, we watched Cricket. Again, not a fan, but after a few hours, I began to understand what they were trying to do, which made the final half hour exciting, and I suspect that is about the best you can hope for in Cricket.

Thursday and Saturday we were at the Alexander Stadium to watch the athletics, and that was a thrill. It is so much different watching it live, instead of having it drip-fed to you through the telly. Live, there are 20,000 people cheering along with you, while three events—a race of some sort, the hammer throw, and the high jump—all take place simultaneously.

Friday was Netball, a sport that doesn’t even exist in the US. Accordingly, it’s hard to describe but it’s sort of a cross between basketball and frozen tag and is, apparently, only played by women.

The final day, Sunday, we watched hockey. If this had been what I consider hockey, we’d have been inside a chilly stadium watching men skating around until a fight broke out, but this being Britain, we instead endured hot, unrelenting sun while teams of women hit a tiny ball around the field with bent sticks. But again, it was a frenzy of activity that was exciting to watch.

The Conclusion:

We’re home now, and we got to watch the Closing Ceremony from the comfort of our living room. The Games are over, but Birmingham is still there, and it proved to be so lovely and welcoming that we have decided to go back.

Once the crowds die down.