I spent over a hundred quid to take my wife to the Queen’s Theatre in London to see Les Misérables.

This is what it looked like:

They also sang the words, like an opera, which made understanding them a bit of a challenge. So, between not seeing and not hearing, this is what I think the plot was about:

Some woman named Fountain got up the duff and had a child called Courgette. Fountain sang a cover version of Susan Boyle’s “I Dreamed a Dream” then died. Some guy named Marcus fell in love with Courgette. Meanwhile, Courgette’s childhood acquaintance, Epitome, is secretly in love with Marcus (Epitome’s dad, Thaddeus, kept Courgette as an indentured servant for a time—don’t ask, it’s complicated).  Before the love triangle can get fully underway, Epitome is killed by a sub-plot. This allows Marcus and Courgette to get married without having Epitome moping around the reception making goo-goo eyes at Marcus.  So they are happy. Everyone else dies, though. The clue is in the title.

I understand that, in the sequel, Marcus and Courgette have a daughter, named Aubergine.